Immediately after sharing these thoughts on my personal Facebook page, ye ole inner critic took over my thoughts…
I knew it. Dammit.
I’d forgotten about something when I wrote it…
What about ALL the onslaught of rage and fear and confusion that I STILL feel whenever I think about the rise of open racism and mass murderings of Black and other transwomen of color?
What about all the hatred that’s STILL being pumped into our veins via news and screens and people of power?
What about the blatant discrimination and ongoing injustices and prejudices rising to the surface for ALL to finally see and acknowledge?
YES… Indeed.
What about all of THAT?
Of course, the fact that I DO feel hope, more often than NOT, does not mean that I also don’t feel other things—like sadness. And grief. And at times, lots and lots (and LOTS) of rage.
Of course, I do.
I see all the things. Good things—yes! And the bad things—also, yes…
And I feel—deeply—because I could easily take so much of what I see, personally.
I HAVE taken things personally before… Because sometimes, it feels personal.
And I can also see how so many of these shared wounds of humanity—like racism, misogyny, and trans/homophobias—are finally being healed because they are FINALLY being seen.
We can see that human people are still being judged and killed and unjustly treated in PRETTY MUCH ALL of our shared societal systems. MOSTLY because of the difference in the color of their skin. Or another difference in how we live in our skin.
Especially when we otherwise don’t fit into a societal norm—based on gender expression/identity or sexuality or dis/ability.
I believe this is how healing happens, though. And how change happens.
Because I’ve seen it happen. And I can really only speak from my own experiences.
Thankfully, I’m not seeing hatred in front of my own eyes right now.
Who knows if and when that might change?
When & if it does, I’ll be ready to take action and continue using my voice to speak my own truth. To stand for equality within our shared humanity.
Until then, I only know what I know.
I only know what I—me and myself—have experienced.
I know I must also acknowledge my privilege as a white masculine person living in the USA right now.
Obviously, I haven’t always been perceived as a white male.
I have also been a white female and a white androgynous female and a white butch female and a white gender-nonconforming, genderfluid, genderqueer person.
Each with its own privileges, of course, because I am white, and I do live in the USA.
I can’t pretend to know what my experiences and beliefs would be if I didn’t “pass” as an average white male.
I can expect that my experiences would be VERY different as a black transwoman, for sure.
If I were still genderqueer-identified-lesbian, I might not be able to as easily see all the good in people that I’m now capable of looking for (and finding, for the most part).
I understand that not everyone is in a place to feel the way I do.
But it’s exhausting (even for me and my hope) to be bombarded day in and out with divisive messages of hate.
I have a choice in how I frame my unique perspective, my truth, and my story. And my truth is, I feel better—not worse—when I make the choice to focus on the good that I see around me in real life.
So, I also choose to believe that the hatred we see in the world right now, is only reflecting the darkest parts of our shared humanity to us. Inspiring us to make the choice to change…