Stages of Transformation:
Pt. 2 The Feedback
I found a tipping point in all the discomfort.
I realized, I could either keep the pain (and maybe eventually become the pain).
Or I could do something else or take new action that might lead me towards something—else, or at the very least, help me find a little relief.
I couldn’t imagine living with the discomfort forever. I didn’t think I would survive it.
I knew I had to feel it, at least, in that moment so I could see it a little more clearly.
When I saw the source of my discomfort, I could see my options.
I saw that I could stay stuck in that same repeating pattern of reacting and reacting and reacting to the reality of the uncomfortable life happening.
F it hurts. F it hurts. F it hurts. F it hurts. Ad nauseum, I was making myself nausous.
I could stay shaped by an outer society that seemed to only want to reduce and seduce me into becoming what it wanted me to be and believe.
I could maintain their status quo and not grow.
I could choose to NOT feel better in my body.
To NOT feel my body.
To not feel my body belongs to me—or even at all.
Don’t get me wrong…
This process is not easy. I know.
And then, again, there’s that part of the process I haven’t even mentioned yet…
You know IT. That crappy fear and uncertainty part.
It’s always there.
I wish I didn’t have to talk about it. This part sucks.
The fear is paralyzing. I mean, they call it paralyzing for a REASON. You. Can’t. Even.
You can’t even MOVE out of that established groove.
I don’t have the exact research, but for me, fear keeps me stuck somewhere around nine out of ten times. Ninety percent is accurate. Still.
So. Yeah, here we are again with that courage thing.
I mean, I guess it’s also, apparently —
“just part of the process”…
And if we expect to ever find our way into this new & improved
promised land, this better feeling place or space—whether it’s inside or outside of ourselves—
it definitely requires that we take some sort of m—f—ing action.
Dammit.
I, for one, really wish change could happen without it.
I mean, I guess change CAN and DOES happen without us ever taking decided action,
but unfortanately, at least, in my experience,
it’s not always been a change for the better/healthier/wealthier version of my-self I perpetually hope to be…
I guess, this is the feedback…
It’s a back and forth negotiation with fear over how much this change will be worth to us.
It’s that part where our old blames must end so new flames can begin.
Inspired action is ignited when two extremes rub against against each other… Friction between fear and love is a passionate fire for creation.
I started this new phase in my tranformation by asking questions about the discomfort I was feeling…
I used curiosity and inquiry to dive into it.
I asked all the experts I could find about all the pains and dis-eases I was experiencing…
knew I needed to make a change because I knew that somehow I could feel better.
That’s when I first knew that I must start searching for answers… What & Why & ALL THE Ways I could take action in order or make something new happen inside and outside my-self.
This is when I finally starting to pay attention and listen to the discomfort.
I started thanking it, instead of repeatedly blaming it…
Then, surprise, a SPARK of something new.