How to Pee in Texas (as a Transman)

Of all the things I could write about, here we are: in the toilet.

I drafted this in 2018, when bathroom bills were the weather in Texas, and never published it. I'm publishing it now because the awkward dance it describes hasn't gone anywhere, and because I've learned that the fastest way through a heavy subject is sometimes to let it be a little bit funny.

One note: part of the original draft was lost over the years to a corrupted file. Where the words went missing, I’ve marked it. Consider it a pothole on a Texas road. Jump roll over it and keep going.

There are other things I'd rather write about in this space and tons of other interesting ideas and experiences I'd rather find the courage to share.

I have different stories and experiences that might seem more valuable for you, in particular.

But here we are... In the toilet.

This small segment of my life experiences represents a fractal of my overall perspective of life from within my transgender-and-texan-labeled skin — that whenever I find myself in that (still, nearly always) awkward—yet entirely inevitable—situation requiring my use of a public restroom somewhere while living and working and existing in this state of Texas, as a transgender person.

[⚠ LACUNA — text lost in export.] The surviving fragment reads: "Let me pause this story to say that I believe that our power as individual humans to unite … the 'power of politics'—and I espe[cially?] … actually uniting us, human people, since it seems so often to only reinforce its own, divisive 'US' vs. 'THEM' aim in all it touches." Your options: (a) reconstruct the missing sentence from memory, (b) bridge it with a bracketed present-day note like "[a chunk of this paragraph was lost to a corrupted export — the gist: I don't trust the power of politics to unite us, humans; it mostly reinforces its own US-vs-THEM aim]", or (c) cut the damaged sentence and open the next paragraph at "So, I'm not sure…" — which flows fine.

So, I'm not sure how much divided ideas and beliefs can shift into understanding and compassion, while everything seems so focused on pitting YOU against ME—whether in politics or religion or Friday afternoon traffic. I think we do better individually whenever we can pull together collectively, rather than allowing ourselves to be continually driven apart by divisive opinions and beliefs that have nothing to do with our own, everyday lives.

See, as a transgender person, I think I understand (a bit) about how change happens.

"As a transgender person" (AND actually, as a human person, period), it's been my experience that change happens slowly and over time.

BIG changes can require big patience.

So, I totally get that helping people to expand their tiny, closed-minded and fearful perspectives of the world will, VERY likely, require a little time and patience on the parts of those of us sharing our unique stories and perspectives, with hopes of opening closed minds and soothing fears.

I also understand that minds won't begin to change until hearts do, and it's been my experience that one really good and sure-fire way to impact and change a closed heart is to connect with it.

It's just that much harder to hate something—or someone—when you like them...

Even when people don't understand differing perspectives, they will probably be more likely to WANT to—if/when there's a personal connection to that "other" human person.

As a transgender human person, I can also see that some folks are more than a little confused about whether transgender people should use the facility that matches the gender that was assigned to them at birth or the gender that matches their actual identity.

For just a second, let's put aside any of those crazy, progressive notions that might question the need for gendered restroom facilities at all. And let's pretend that we can't actually find ANY (healthy) reasons to continue with the current (broken?) binary system that separates us by male and female labels.

Let's say that we will always have a private space for sittin' business.

For most people, I imagine, the use of a public restroom is a non-issue, personally.

For me, personally, I also REALLY want it to be a non-issue.

However, there are governments that think it should perpetually be a huge issue—for me, personally, and for you, personally.

It seems they want us all to disagree (on one thing or another) all the time.

And right now, it would seem, "they" need transgender people to be the "other"—and not just any other human person who only needs to pee before leaving the building.