How I’m Healing...

Present-day intro: July 8, 2026

This is one of the lost drafts I most understand why I never published...

Admitting that you”ve carried the very judgment you’ve been on the receiving end of is NOT just a hot take. It feels more like a confession.

I wrote it in 2018 and stopped mid-thought, right at the sentence where the healing begins... The truth is, I was still looking for the right words to explain the complexity and nuance and pain underneath them

I’m publishing it now, unfinished middle and all, with a few words from me, again at the end of it, because the healing didn’t stop where the draft did...

Original draft - never published

The truth—my truth— is that I sort of, kind of understand homophobic and transphobic perspectives because I’ve experienced it too—internally, towards myself—EVEN AS A BIG OL' TRANS + QUEER PERSON.

I mean, inevitably, there’s a part of my perspective—or how I uniquely see the world—that exists as byproduct of the beliefs of my family of origin and upbringing and environment…

It's like all those ingredients mix-in from both parents and both sets of dna and lineage and create a hyper-unique-concoction of universal-ME-ness, that’s sort of—distilled and infused into the essence of tiny-human-me, by way of familial-and-environmental-belief-exposure and saturation…

WHEW.

If that makes sense? 😉

Basically, since my parents and my family held conservative, Christian beliefs AND because I was born and raised (mostly) in a conservative, Christian East Texas, I also have within me, some particle of that perspective built into my DNA, somehow, by way of how I was raised and how they were raised and their parents were raised... Ad infinitum.

Of course, I don't know if this is actually true. I really don't know, for sure, you know?

I just know that this feels true for me, right now.

Back when I was in the body of a female-human-person and still pretending to FEEL and BE like a “proper” female-human-person and still pretending to feel attraction to male-people, I judged the other people that I perceived as gay and trans.

Now I know I judged them because I SO, desperately hated that part of myself.

I hated knowing that part of me was exactly who I was being taught to hate and fear—and judge…

So, that was fun times 🙂

I think my healing actually started with the years of CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) I finally gifted myself. That was when I was finally able to find the words and express my truth, finally, in a safe space...

Present-day coda

And that’s where the draft ends, mid-healing, back in 2018.

So let me finish my thoughts from here, in 2026: I’m still healing from all the hate I learned over years and decades to aim at the heart of myself, and many of those old wounds are long scabbed over and scarred.

And the judgment I used to aim at myself is finally just a whisper, fading like a cloud across the sky and time.

All those old, inherited beliefs and the authentic version of myself, underneath are part of me and my story.

I’ve finally learned to take other people’s beliefs about me and who I should be with a grain of salt and give more weight to the truth of me and what’s actually in my heart.